I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
