I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
