Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
