Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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