my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
