ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
