I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
