He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
