i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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