I accidentally burped into my bong.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
