I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
