Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
