I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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