i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
