I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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