i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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