My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
