so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
