Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
