you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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