she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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