Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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