Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
