Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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