he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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