my vag is so smooth its legendary
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
