Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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