i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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