how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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