Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
