Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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