We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
