I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
