Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
