I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
