Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
