its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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