Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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