Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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