We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
