Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
