I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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