I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
