lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
