it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
