dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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