My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
