Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
