I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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