I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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